Sep 14

14 Sep, 2026

• decide to start this since Sep.13 night, when I binged two froyos, three packs of snacks given from friends, 12 packs of seaweed and a bunch of frozen fruits unvoluntarily.
• also a lot of stuff has happened since summer 2026.
• for some reason I am more anxious at school instead of working.

As for 9.14.2026:

TL;DR: Todos

1. only focus on stuffs that I can control
2. only think about goals

background

some things coming up are:

before got out of bed:

1. Harmony quiz that I haven't started review
2. 15-451 Midterm in 2 days, was not on track for reviewing

happened during the day:

1. regret about the binging yesterday
2. had a 95-422 gen-ed presentation
3. heard from TikTok intern mentor asked about did i hear from company, and asking me "did i copy data and programs when finishing up intern"
4. ordered Chipotle online, but there's a fucking fire alarm happening, and i can't pick my food in unknown amount of time
5. had to wait at Starbucks, but anxiety hits so i was fighting the urge of soothing feelings with food
6. my review plan got disrupted because of 1.5 hour late of chipotle
7. ate another bowl of froyo, felt bad about the workout goal that i was thinking yesterday
8. more worrying about TikTok return offer, had several convo with intern partners and friends when max anxiety hits

Some post-mortem thoughts:

• honest biological reaction:
  1. heart beating extremely fast
  2. can't breathe properly
  3. brain felt like getting kidnapped or life was threatened

Some actions I took to save:

• decide not to associate food with anxiety anymore
  1. alternative: 跳一跳小游戏
  2. can't think of anything else as honestly the feeling felt too strong like i will die without thinking about it
  3. In terms of weight loss, Only Fixate on the Goal, keep thinking being in shape is my goal, I want to be in shaped, instead of anything threatening.

Now its 7:55PM and i have to review 15-451. Will try to document more things

edit @ 9:33PM after doing some 451 problems:

• realized i haven't been thinking of the "Can Control Circle" rule, basically, only focus and think on the things that i can control. don't bother to think or spend time on things i can't control.
  • now i am about to categorize all the stuffs into can and can't control

some things coming up are:

before got out of bed:

1. Harmony quiz that I haven't started review 【CAN CONTROL, can start now】
2. 15-451 Midterm in 2 days, was not on track for reviewing 【CAN CONTROL, can start review instantly】

happened during the day:

1. regret about the binging yesterday 【CAN'T CONTROL, it already happened.】
2. had a 95-422 gen-ed presentation 【CAN CONTROL, can spend more time reviewing that】
3. heard from TikTok intern mentor asked about did i hear from company, and asking me "did i copy data and programs when finishing up intern" 【CAN + CAN'T CONTROL, after sending the text to mentor, there is nothing i can do】
4. ordered Chipotle online, but there's a fucking fire alarm happening, and i can't pick my food in unknown amount of time 【the most CAN'T CONTROL thing i have ever seen in my life】
5. had to wait at Starbucks, but anxiety hits so i was fighting the urge of soothing feelings with food 【CAN CONTROL, in terms of studying at starbucks or not. As for urge of eating a sweet treat, more like a current CAN'T control thing as this is my go-to-coping method】
6. my review plan got disrupted because of 1.5 hour late of chipotle 【CAN'T CONTROL becuz of chipotle】
7. ate another bowl of froyo, felt bad about the workout goal that i was thinking yesterday 【CAN'T CONTROL becuz I already ate】
8. more worrying about TikTok return offer, had several convo with intern partners and friends when max anxiety hits 【CAN'T CONTROL, i can't decide the RO at all】

summary : 5 CAN, 7 CAN'T.

The ones that brought me the most stressed are:

• Mentor's grill 【CAN'T】
• Chipotle Delay -> 451 review late 【CAN'T】
• Environment triggers: starbucks facing a wall of desserts.

TL;DR:

1. only focus on stuffs that I can control
2. only think about goals